THE DARK PHASE
Get lost when I hit the dark phase,
A blind man stumbling through a maze.
Like a phone without reception,
A sluggard with no intention.
Get a doctor to look at me.
Let him prepare the autopsy.
The scalpel forms the incision.
My thoughts stay an apparition.
My mind’s ill, my lungs still breathing.
The Brain though is suffocating.
Get your sheet, ask me some questions.
Will not hold back, no exceptions.
“What do you do with your free time?”
Stare at the wall. Should be a crime,
Waiting for the time to pass by.
“Maybe you should go out, no lie.
Go find some people to talk to.”
Listen, I’ll lay it out for you.
I’m around people, yet alone.
In public, but in my own zone.
Lonely while being spoken too.
Alone in company, who knew?
On my own, then I’m in a crowd.
Then the voices come and get loud.
In my room, no one is around.
But in the voices, I am drowned.
Stare at the wall in confusion.
Breathing, planning the procession.
My funeral, will tears be shed?
As I go sleep, on my deathbed.
Snap out, back now, good thoughts I chase.
But dark ones are setting the pace.
Fighting, but I feel so empty.
Pain is the thing that feels friendly.
Did you get that? Next question please.
“Friends are a cure for the disease.
You know people you can talk to?”
A few but I made sure none knew.
With my family yet alone.
Isolated in my own home.
Not their fault it was my own choice.
Dead of night but I hear the noise.
Feel like screaming, to God I pray.
But He’s not taking them away.
They get louder, the days darker.
Go get the chalk or a marker.
There’ll be a body to outline.
In a tunnel, saying I’m fine.
More like a cave, I see no end.
No more way out, just a descend.
To people nearby I’m quiet.
Inside my mind’s in a riot.
Everywhere yelling and screaming.
As this world begins collapsing.
I’m crashing in complete silence.
Won’t tell them, I’m in defiance.
Alone, lie! It’s just how you feel.
Then comes a bright day is this real?
Am I fake? Not really depressed?
A few dark spots but I am blessed?
The next day the pills in your hand.
Today is the end, it wasn’t planned.
Should I get more friends? Let them in?
Let them feel my pain so I’ll win.
But if I lose then they’ll all hurt.
When my body is in the dirt,
They will be left with all the pain.
I’ll stay silent, this is my chain.
The voices raining down on me,
Water rising, can’t find the key.
Smiling, the chain around my throat.
I’m drowning watching others float.
“My turn, you have the wrong mindset.
There’s people that will help I’ll bet.
You don’t want them to hurt? Then fight.
Don’t go gently into the night.
Paraphrasing Dylan Thomas.
The day will come, that I promise.”