THE PAST 

No greater pain than missing the unreachable,

Something so close, yet so distant, unbearable.

What once was yours, once was normal, is gone.

Locations, where life’s memories where formed on,

Only a thought away, now an impossibility.

Never thought having a home could be a nobility.

What once was real has become just a dream.

 

All the adventures from my teens,

The brain recorded all the scenes.

Pressing repeat, replaying all the pictures

Can I get help from the Scriptures?

A window into the past is what I desire.

Afraid that some of these memories will expire.

My body cannot go where my mind lives.

 

Why do I yearn for the past?

Wishing the moments could last?

But the present isn’t holding still,

Moving on regardless of my will.

And my future is held back by the past;

Im stuck in it, like in a cast.

The present is here; I don’t live in it.

 

Where are the moments that I crave?

The past is gone, buried in the grave,

I should be free, yet I am bound.

Spend my time gouging at the ground.

As if opening the casket will bring it back.

Why am I so desperate for what I lack?

Tell me, am I sounding pitiful?

 

Are my problems growing bigger?

Looking around, I’m not the only digger.

So, I’m not alone, I was getting concerned.

Feet carrying us forward, yet our heads are turned,

 Eyes searching backward, “oh look, we’re gone.”

Don’t think we know what road we’re on,

Lost in our inability to see beyond the past.

 

Time keeps moving, even if I don’t.

I should look forward move on, but I won’t.

See the sound mind can get lost sometimes:

Put dots on the paper, connect them with lines.

What image do you get, what do you see?

A pattern less maze, some left over debris,

From the war with pain that occurred in my mind.

 

Regardless, the stream of life continues

Pushing me downstream despite my issues.

I spend my energy swimming against it,

Then I arrive at the present not feeling it.

I arrive depressive, not ready for acceptance.

The past no longer has an entrance;

Not able to go back or accept the present.

 

Do you have questions? Like, where am I?

I don’t know, was hoping you would, sigh.

Can’t see the future, busy looking at the past,

Not here in the present, ‘cause it won’t last.

So, I guess it’s time to worry now.

I’m not present in the present now.

The past is past, and the future is gone, too.

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