Some days I just hate where I’m at,
In a country I don’t understand.
My own faith seems like its flat
No highs and lows, no heartbeat.
I can’t stay in one place my feet get itchy
But I never feel at home wherever I’m at
I’d show you all of the homes I’ve lived at,
But we don’t have the time for that.
I’m always part of the crowd, then alone.
Where are the people close to me? On my own?
Looking for a family, a new home.
But for now, I’m here in isolation.
Is it because of where I am physically?
Or does it start with me, mentally?
Is it out of my control? Chance?
Or did I get here accidentally?
Feeling like a dice in a chess match.
A shark in a horse stable.
The television on the dinner table.
Among the Cain’s I feel like Abel.
They took me out of the aquarium,
Dropped me in their sky
Everyone expecting me to fly.
No one can hear my outcry.
They say I’ll adjust, but we’ll see.
If I don’t, I might need to bring the sea
And drown all of you with me.
Am I done venting? Nope.
People try to give me advice.
I know that some are just being nice.
You can’t relate, never paid the price.
This is just the situation I’m in.
Trivial problems in their flood of life.
Their standing inside the window pane
They’ve never been outside in the rain.
I’ve been there, I’ve seen the drownings pain.
Then they complain their lives in a mess.
I get angry inside I must confess.
Acting miserable but living life in excess.
Can’t you realize your blessed!
Sorry I’ll calm down a bit.
Yeah I know I’m a hypocrite.
I like to complain to that I’ll admit.
But still I feel like a misfit.
You all live your average lives.
Try to give me advice you regular guys,
“I understand” wow, you trying to be wise?
I grew up with heroes, common let’s revise.
One mission trip now you can relate?
Eight weeks? A few months? Great.
Interns thinking he should run the company.
Your delusional there’s no debate.
When have you left everything behind,
There’s no turning back are you blind?
My life now in a memory confined.
Those memories only present in my mind.
Gone are all the people you’ve known
So, you spend the nights alone.
All because you’ve followed Gods call?
Dying down here. Are you sitting on your thrown?
Father am I wrong for questioning?
Tell me to bring hope but there’s a yoke I’m carrying.
And how can I help the lost when I’m wandering?
You’ve given life, but maybe death is the blessing?
So the church turns to me to tell me God’s good.
Will they say that when he takes their people away?
Will you say that when he takes your life away?
When your church abandons you will you pray?
Did I receive so much just to lose it all?
Is this it? Is this where I fall?
My final chapter, the conclusion, the curtain call.
If this is my destination then I’m going AWOL.
You promised to make my burdens light.
But the nights are getting harder to fight.
When the end comes I fight it with all my might.
But it’s not enough. It begins to fade out the light.