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CHANGED

I’ve been meeting an old acquaintance. He looks like me and I guess he was me in the past, but recently I took control back and told him to leave or get wacked, but he didn’t want to listen so he came to my door and started to unpack before I met him outside, chased him away, hoping he would hide and never come back, but I met him again standing in the mirror. Stand still just for a moment and take it in, what is his will for me this time? The old self opposite of the new me. What are our differences? Are we even different? We look the same but we’re both struggling. Different problems but we’re fighting the same consequences, facing the same outcome. That’s when I found the difference, the anomaly. Look him in the eye, answer me honestly, do you see it? Let me help, your eyes are hollow while mine are hopeful. Tell you this you’re my greatest mistake, being you has been my biggest regret. The snake bit you and you’ve given up. To the shadow of the past, you let the lies rule your life, you and I have both been in the dirt, but the regrettable past version of myself put his head down and went to sleep as his body slowly sunk into the pit. A pit of what? A pit of despair, did you like it there? Do you enjoy the darkness, do you care? Is someone coming to help? No, you’re on your own. That’s why I’ve been working on a new me. Fought out of that hole, grabbed the shovel, dug up the dirt and climbed out. Now I feel more whole than before but I’m not getting caught up, never complacent. I go to the mirror to face off against myself. Critiquing the man in front of myself harder than anyone. I’m working on myself, every night I try to go to sleep a better me, cutting off all that stands in my way. It may hurt but its healthy. Gained so many blessings through that pain that I’m feeling wealthy. Meanwhile you ignored the trash, in fact, you fell in love with it. Let the mold shape your mind but that’s you, the old me. I go through my house looking for garbage so I can cast it out. Root out the weeds before their roots tap into my soul. Well since we’re on the subject I dug one out not too long ago. That’s where I heard your voice again, you’ve been silent for a while. Here’s what you said, “just be happy.” You told me to grab the pills and bottle and go outside. Leave a note behind because today you die. This fun you talk of, is in being dead? I didn’t believe your lie, gathered all my might, shot you in the head. Tell me, is it fun being dead? Is it? Here’s the deal, I don’t need you, you’re my past, and I don’t want you in my future. I’m searching for the pearls of blessing, but all you’re finding are empty shells. Muscles clamped up, shell shot out, now they’re empty, my feet were just getting wet, but now your six feet under. Don’t think there are any pearls there. When I look for my blessing, I remember my curses and now I’m back to stressing. So much to do but I feel like a bag of failures and the cops haven’t even carried the corpse out yet. Zip it up, “man that guy was a nut.” I didn’t like that version of me he had some screws lose, but at least he didn’t get hammered. I buried him a few years ago, but I don’t think he’s ever been alive, and that’s made it hard to kill him. So, I just buried him, but he’s come back just when I thought I found my path. Now we should get back on track. I’m in gear again, but I think my fuels low, so how much further can I go? I’m not sure, but I’m tired of running so I’ll just reload. I’ve been working on myself-I’m ready for this. There’s a few more problems I need to face before they explode. Used to hide and wait for them to grow, but not this time. I won’t waste my time I’ll erase them. My gun’s got a new clip, blade strapped to my back, the bag’s got that bat in it. Dropped my rags. They were covered in dirt. I needed a change, put the hoodie on. Turn the key, the headlights go out and its midnight, step out. Black hoodie on. I got no torch but there are flames in my eyes lighting up the road ahead. It’s a light of hope, a flame that won’t be extinguished, one that guides me and one that I’ve been lacking for much of my past, but I have finally removed that cast, and I won’t be restricted by it anymore. This is my moment of change, meet the new me. I’m hungry, I’m out here hunting, and I want nothing but the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me God. Now come at me, all these lies, you’ve been hunting me for years, but now I’m turning the tables on you, I can’t stay like this and I’ll have to kill you to change. Here comes the fog, nights settled, listen it’s silent but it always is-before the storm comes crashing in and so my journey begins.